The first question you need to ask yourself before you move into the 4th Fetter is whether the issue you want to look at is placed in the 4th fetter, or if it is connected to any of the first 3 Fetters.

In other words, “Is this truly a Want, or is there anything underlying it?”

You do that by looking into the underlying narrative. 

Let’s say you have a cup of coffee every morning. 

I would now like for you to look into why you have that cup of coffee. 

Do you really want a cup of coffee because you want it, or is it because you always get a cup of coffee in the morning?

Let’s say that by looking closely, you find out that the morning coffee is a part of your morning ritual, so it’s more a habit than a Want. 

You now know that this belongs in the first 3 fetters and not specifically in the 4th Fetter. 

You now need to go back to the first 3 Fetters to find out what it is about, since a habit can have 2 different roots and starting points. 

The ritual of the morning coffee is connected to a thought; due either from classical and/or cultural conditioning. 

That means that you were taught that before one goes to work in the morning, one needs a cup coffee. 

With the example of the morning coffee it is easy to see the extent of the cultural conditioning. 

How many other things in your life have the same deep rooted cultural conditioning?

Do you feel a need for hot chocolate when it is snowing?

Chicken soup or chamomile tea when you are sick?

Pumpkin lattes in the fall?

Doing something special on your birthday, for New Years or Christmas/Yum Kippur?

Watching TV in the evening with a glass of wine or a cold beer?

And if you are in the US, being with someone on Valentines day?

All those are cultural or classical conditionings, and need addressing and looking further into with the exercises from the first 3 Fetters. 

The other root or starting point, is what we talked about in the 2nd Fetter, namely when you find out that what you think you want is promising something better than what you have now. 

That want is usually a diversion from something else.

Let’s use the example of the morning coffee again. 

If you use the morning coffee as a diversion from something, it might be about you really not liking your job and being reluctant to go. 

You rather want to go back to bed, but since you have responsibilities, you are enduring the work you hate. 

It might also be that the cup of coffee is the one good thing you can do for yourself before you give away your entire day to a company and a cause you really do not care about. 

Do you see how this is also connected to the glass of wine at the end of the day that now functions as a reward for your enduring 8 hours of misery?

The question in the 2nd Fetter is obviously; why do you endure it?

What is the underlying starting point for you?

You can chose between fear, anger, guilt or shame.

Pick one. 

And pick the one you have seen come up multiple times during your process.

Chances are that it’s the same one since what we do in one area, we tend to do in all other areas. 

Now if you are at the point where you think that it’s not about any of these things, it is for sure about a “Want”. 

If you Want a cup of coffee in the morning simply because you Want a cup of coffee in the morning, then there are multiple things you can do. 

Imagine you swap the caffeinated coffee with a decaf coffee. (Or your normal decaf coffee for a cup of tea, or warm water.) 

Is that ok with you? 

If not, then look into what that is about, and go deeper with the first 3 fetters if needed.

If you think that a decaf coffee won’t do because you need the caffeine, then just swap the morning coffee with a Redbull.

Is that ok with you? 

And again, If not, look into what that is about, and go deeper with the first 3 fetters if needed.

By now, just by reading this, the entire ordeal might have been completely deflated for you. If so, then the urge for a cup of morning coffee most likely was a 4th Fetter experience.

The Want for a morning coffee is sorted, and you can have a glass of water instead because you are thirsty and the body needs to hydrate. 

If that is the case, then look out for the next Want that the Ego is promising you will improve your life, and really look into the assumption with that. 

If you are sure that this is clear of all trauma, and you are ready to move on with the 4th Fetter, then you can look at Wants from 3 different levels. 

Look into what you really want, and feel into how there is a belief that tells you that life can be better “when”.

What is it you want to improve?

How would you feel?

What is present now, that won’t be there when you get what you want?

What is the underlying motivation about?

What would you no longer need to endure?

If this is as good as it gets, and nothing will ever change, what feelings come up?

What is it that is so bad that it HAS to change?

Breathe! 

Where are you right now? 

How does the body feel?

Do you notice a contraction in the body that disappears when you fantasise about the Wants?

So where is the connection with the body and the Wants? 

What is here that won’t be here when you get what you want?

Do you notice the distance you are creating with the Wants?

Wants are only a thought with a promise. That promise is a clue to you about your underlying beliefs and diversions.

What are you trying to avoid? 

What part(s) of you is now being dismissed again? 

Can you hold space for that part(s)? 

Acknowledge its presence and just stay with it? 

Not change it? 

Can you be in a body that is full of fear, anger, guilt, or shame underneath? 

Can you stay with it? 

It might help by thinking “I am this too”, and create unconditional acceptance for the Want that was being used as a diversion, and when you are ready, you can even love it!

Remember that if it wasn’t here, you would not become aware of the part that has been dismissed. 

Pull your awareness up to 5th floor, and look at the Want without any judgement or assumptions, but just contentment and kindness. 

Stay here as long as is needed.

Now get ready to move into the non-dual.

Look into what you really want, and feel into how there is a belief that tells you that life can be better “when”.

It needs to be enough for you to feel the pull towards it, but not not enough for you to believe it to be true and get a reaction. 

You might need to back up a bit from where you just were.

Pull yourself up to 5th floor and (1st fetter) look into where you are looking from? 

First off : Where does the attachment to that thought begin? 

Who is telling you that you will improve? 

Do you see the duality in the one telling you that you need to improve as if there is someone talking to a “you”? 

Where is that “you” who will improve, and who is telling you? 

Is there a difference between the thinker and the thought? 

Is there any connection between the Wants and the thoughts? 

Is the Wants anything else but a thought? 

How does the body feel?

Were you “away” from the body when you thought about the Want? 

Did you look into the advantage of being away from the body?

If you didn’t notice, then go back and stay with this for a while, and look out for any bypassing!

If the thought of Wants is exciting, where is the “I” that is making that promise? 

The Wants might have dissolved now, but you can continue and use this opportunity to awaken, so let’s do that. 

See if you can recall one of the assumptions of the Wants you had. 

Do you notice how the thought and assumption derails you from the now, and drops you into an imaginary future? 

Hold the feeling of the assumption while you now look into how the body feels. 

Is there any connection with the body, and what you Want? 

Look into that assumption. 

Can you separate the assumption and the sensations in the body? 

Sit and play with the push/pull that this thought seemingly creates in the body. 

Observe that the two are in no way connected, and that the bodily sensation is not as static of an experience as the assumption wants you to believe (ie. “The migraine is always the same.”) 

In reality the two are not connected in any way, and when you disconnect, you allow the body to freely move sensations around.

Notice there is no one moving, only movements happening, not even an observer/experiencer, but only observations/experiences. 

Any sensory experience is creating that movement and those experiences - so see, taste, smell, hear, feel. 

Sights, smells and sounds will suddenly become beautiful, and you can start to cry at the beauty of it. 

So crying might happen from this space, but just be in the world, and when it moves with this level of connectedness and detachment, notice what assumptions come up. 

Look at all of them, and see if there is any connection to them, or an actual reality.

Lastly, to look into Wants, it is also a good practice to notice where the delusions lie; remember that there is nothing wrong with Wants!

It is all about noticing the attachment and the identification of a thought that promises a future, replete with a reward or an improvement, that can not actually take place right here, right now.

Enjoy